So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
