i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The best revenge is premature balding
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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