One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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