You're my little dorito
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
