I bet he comes in French.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
