If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
