You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
