Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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