It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
