I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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