if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize