I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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