There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
