"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
