you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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