Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
