yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
