So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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