1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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