he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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