I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize