so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
