apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize