I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
