Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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