$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
