just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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