We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
