Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize