he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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