ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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