there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
