Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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