I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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