the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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