Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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