i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
