The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize