He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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