Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
