I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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