I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
