you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
