two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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