What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
