its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
