I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
