I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
