why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
