Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
