3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
