can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
people are starting to question the shark bite story
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
