she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
