I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize