This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
