Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
