I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
