You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
