just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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