Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
