Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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