He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I came so hard my ears popped.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
