woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
