I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
