Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
