I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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