her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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