this just has baby written all over it
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
