I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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