Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize