I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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