did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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