i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
