and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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